illuminations
by Brown Eyes Parker
Summary: For this month's challenge on Jelle Forever. Prompt: Candlelight Flame. Lisbon just wants Jane to stay forever. She wants him to choose her. . . he wants him to choose them. But when Jane gets scared and leave, will she ever be able to trust him again?
1. Chapter 1

**Illuminations**

A Jane/Lisbon Story

**By Brown Eyes Parker**

**(Chapter) Summary:**

Just one night, and Jane starts to fall for Lisbon. Just one kiss, and Jane starts to fall for Lisbon. . . and it scares him. Part one in "Illuminations", for the Jello Forever challenge. Prompt: Candlelight's Flame. Inspired by "Love Only Knows" by Josh Groban.

**Disclaimer:**

**I really don't own anything. **

Chapter 1 Never Let Go

_**I've tried to hold this back so long**_

_**And we're always such a good thing when it's gone**_

_**Would it be all right, if we just left our heads tonight?**_

_**Take me away from this old game of saying we're both too much the same**_

_**Would it be alright if I just stayed with you tonight?**_

_**And before I go, will I ever see you again?**_

_**She said, love only knows**_

_**Love only knows if we'll give into fear and choose life undercover**_

_**She said love only knows if it's special enough, that we'll choose one another**_

_**We'll choose each other**_

_**You were the secret I loved to keep**_

_**The name I would only sing in my sleep**_

_**Would it be alright if we just loose ourselves tonight?**_

_**And if you let go, will you reach out again?**_

_**She said, love only knows**_

_**Love only knows if we'll give into fear and choose life undercover**_

_**She said love only knows if it's special enough, that we'll choose one another**_

_**We'll choose each**_

_**And I can't breathe without you and I don't**_

_**And I can't live without love and I won't**_

And I won't

_**Love only knows if we'll give into fear and choose life undercover**_

_**She said love only knows if it's special enough, that we'll choose one another**_

Oh, love only knows how your arms pull me in like the tide pulls me under

_**She said love only knows just how long we can run before we lose each other**_

_**And we need each other**_

_**And I can't live without you, and I won't**_

**Love Only Knows, Josh Groban**_

"Jane?" Lisbon whispered, pattering into his attic hideaway in her barefoot and jacketless.

Jane sat up. "I'm here."

"I'm afraid to go home. . .would it be okay if I stayed with you. . . just for tonight?"

Jane nodded and made space for her on his cot. He knew exactly how she felt, even though it had been a week since they had put Red John behind bars, he still had trouble going home alone.

She ran to him - much like a little girl would run to her father during a really frightening thunderstorm – later on though, when Jane remembered the incident, he would compare it more to a woman running to her lost lover.

She curled up next to him, and his arms instinctively went around her waist. She whispered, "You're not going anywhere are you? This isn't the part in the story where we both lower our guards a little bit, and when I wake up the next morning you're gone. Is it?"

"I'm not going anywhere," Jane assured her, brushing her hair away from her face.

"I need you to promise me that you're not going anywhere."

"I promise," Jane whispered, wanting nothing more to kiss her and let her know that he would always be there. . . even if he did go away. Instead, he pulled her closer and ran his fingers up and down her arm until her breathed evened and her chest rose and fell gently.

.

Lisbon woke up the next morning and stretched out lazily. The space where Jane had been was empty. A wave of anxiety washed over her. She sat up and winced, because her neck was stiff. But she ignored the pain and jumped off the cot, and hurried to go and find Jane.

"Jane!" She called softly, bounding down the stairs. "Jane!"

"Lisbon?" He replied, coming out of the kitchen. They collided half-way to meeting each other, so he reached out and caught her before she fell.

"You're still here!"

"And I have coffee," Jane replied, steadying her.

"You read my mind," Lisbon said with a smile.

"Of course." Jane released her. "Why don't you clean up and I'll finish getting breakfast together?"

"Do I look bad?"

Jane took in her bed-hair, her day old makeup, and barefeet. To him, she looked absolutely gorgeous. But he couldn't tell her that. So he shrugged. "You want people to think that you actually went home. If they know you spent the night with me, they might assume—"

"You mean, _Rigsby _might assume," Lisbon said without thinking.

Jane's lips twitched, but he didn't reply. "Go and get cleaned up. We're running out of time."

.

Lisbon came back to the kitchen a few minutes later in different clothes, her makeup cleaned up, and her hair tucked into a tidy bun. She took a seat across from Jane.

"I couldn't find much to eat, everything had Rigsby's name on it."

"Seriously?"

"No," Jane said. "There seriously wasn't a lot to eat though."

"Thank you for last night," Lisbon said, smiling slightly. "I really appreciate it. . . I don't know if I could have faced another night alone."

Lisbon's vulnerability startled Jane. Never had he seen like that. . . except for a couple of times before. But he shrugged it off and dumped a heaping spoonful of fruit on her plate. "Really, it wasn't a problem."

Lisbon tapped her fingers on the table, trying to figure out a way to convey her feelings for Jane on a deeper level.

"You better eat, you're running out of time. . . Hightower will probably be here in five minutes."

Lisbon picked up her fork and took a huge mouthful of strawberries and apples. "We're going to be starving at lunch time."

"I'll buy you a huge lunch then," Jane replied.

"You really don't have to."

"I want to though."

Lisbon smiled. "Okay."

.

"We can't spend every night at the CBI you know," Lisbon said later that night.

"I can," Jane replied, staring at the ceiling. "You don't have to though. I would never suggest it for you. We might get caught one day, and your career will be in scandal."

"You're not an agent."

"I mean, if we get caught together here," Jane said.

Lisbon rolled on her side and propped up on her elbow. "Then come to my apartment with me. I have a guest room, but it's been ages since I've had a guest. Please Jane, I'm tired of being alone."

"You keep saying that," Jane whispered, rolling on his side and propping up on his elbow.

"Well, don't you get tired of it?"

"Of course," Jane said.

"Then do something about it," Lisbon whispered as she leaned into him, allowing her foreheads to touch, their noses to connect, and their lips to be a breath away from touching.

Jane did something about it, he pulled her close and tried to keep their balance while he kissed her. When he pulled away, he brushed her hair from her face. "Go home now."

"But. . . but. . ." Lisbon began.

"We'll talk in the morning," Jane promised, kissing her again. "But please go home. Living at the CBI isn't any real life at all."

"Walk me to my car?"

Jane sat up and crawled off the cot. He offered her his hand. "Come on."

"You'll go home too?" Lisbon asked.

"If that's what you want," Jane agreed, grabbing his suit coat.

"Really?" Lisbon asked, her eyes full of earnestness.

"Yes, really."

Lisbon smiled and leaned up to give him a gentle kiss. "Thank you."

"Yeah, yeah. . . come on," Jane said, pulling her towards the door and down the stairs. "You still need shoes."

"Okay." They were in the hallway between the bullpen and her office. "I'll be right back. Don't. . . don't go anywhere, okay?"

"Okay," Jane said. "Hurry up. Hightower's light is still on."

Lisbon made a face and hurried into her office. As Jane watched her go, he wondered what had gotten himself into, and what he was going to do. Because he was falling for her hard and fast.

TBC. . .


	2. Chapter 2

**Illuminations**

A Jane/Lisbon Story

**By Brown Eyes Parker**

**(Chapter) Summary:**

Jane leaves and regrets it afterwards. Chapter 2 in "Illuminations", for the Jello Forever challenge. Prompt: Candlelight's Flame. Inspired by "If I Walk Away" by Josh Groban.

**Disclaimer:**

**I really don't own anything. **

Chapter 2 He Walked Away

_**Lately I've been the quiet one**_

_**Waiting, searching the lines of the songs you played for me**_

_**Sailing into the misty air, fading, bound for I don't know where**_

_**When I'm there, I'll see**_

And if I walk away, please follow me

_**If I walk away, please follow me**_

_**Weightless, drifting through stars**_

_**I got faithless, woke in the dark and I made this from my dream**_

_**Play me all your sweet rhymes**_

_**Recreate me, now comes the time when I'll need your truth to see**_

_**And if I walk away, please follow me**_

_**If I walk away, please follow me**_

_**Walk away, let the fears fall away into the fire you made scarlet and gold**_

_**Walk away, head for the light of day**_

_**Follow a brighter way, out of the cold and dark, down to the one bright spark**_

_**Futures that all might start someday**_

_**So, if I walk away, please follow me**_

_**If I walk away, please follow me**_

_**Fragment shells of a long ago lifetime**_

_**Faces that once were mine, thrown down by the sea**_

_**If I walk away, please follow me**_

_**If I walk away, would you please follow me?**_

**Josh Groban, If I Walk Away_**

One week. . . he had taken Lisbon up on her guest room offer one week ago. He hadn't been planning on it. But as he watched her drive away the night he had kissed her, the thought of spending the night at even the CBI made him feel lonely.

So, he had gotten into his car and taken a short-cut to Lisbon's apartment. He had been waiting for her when she got home, and she had willingly let him in.

Jane sighed and got out of Lisbon's guest bed. He could hear Lisbon stirring in the next room, a _Josh_ _Groban_ song playing on her stereo, and the water running warm for her shower. The past eight days that he had stayed with her had given him an opportunity to memorize her routine. So, he knew that he had plenty of time to get away. He couldn't go on playing House with her. . . it wasn't fair. Especially to her. He couldn't go on playing House with her without a commitment. . . an honest-to-God commitment like she deserved.

For that reason, he threw some clothes into a bag, wrote her a note, and then walked away from it all. from everything that he could share with her.

.

"Boss?" Van Pelt called, using the spare key that Lisbon had given her a month earlier (when the Red John case had been really hot) to get into her apartment.

She typically didn't do stuff like that, but when neither Lisbon nor Jane had showed up for work, she had gotten worried. So, she decided to check on them. . .

"Boss?" She repeated. "Lisbon?"

"I'm in here Van Pelt," she replied, coming out of her guest room, her eyes were red and her make up was smeared.

"Is everything okay? Where's Jane?"

"Jane?" Lisbon repeated, her hand tightening on the wad of paper that she was holding.

Van Pelt hesitated, not wanting to speak out of turn. But she plunged on anyways. "So. . . you _weren't_ living together?"

"What?" Lisbon asked, swiping at her eyes.

"We just assumed. . ." Van Pelt trailed off. "You're having his baby! You're having his baby, and he doesn't want it!"

"No. . ." Lisbon sniffed. "I mean, _yes_. He was staying with me. . . but in my guest room."

"Then why weren't you at work today?"

Lisbon didn't answer, instead she handed the paper she was clutching over to Van Pelt.

"Oh. . . " Van Pelt said after reading it.

"Grace, I love him," Lisbon admitted, balling her hands into fists and pushing them into her eyes as another wave of tears washed over her.

"I know, I know," Van Pelt said, taking Lisbon into her arms.

"He didn't even say goodbye," Lisbon choked. "Not to my face anyways."

"Maybe he couldn't. . . maybe he knew it would be hard for the both of you. Maybe he knew that if he said goodbye to your face, he wouldn't have left," Van Pelt suggested, hating to see Lisbon – a woman, who in her opinion, was the epitome of strength – so upset.

"This wasn't the way it was supposed to go. . ." Lisbon pulled away from Van Pelt. "We were supposed to catch Red John, and everything was supposed to be like a movie. Jane and I would realize that we were in love, and we'd tell each other. Then, we'd get married. . . and live happily ever after."

"Jane'll be back one day," Van Pelt said. "And it'll be better than it ever was. It'll be better than any movie ending we could dream up. You two are obviously perfect for each other. He wouldn't be Jane without you."

"I hope you're right. . ."

"I know I am." Van Pelt smiled. "I've seen the way that he looks at you. Just give him time, he'll come around."

.

Three weeks had gone by since he had crept out of Lisbon's apartment and gotten on a plane to a place far away from California. (He had chosen the place randomly. . . it had been the first available flight out of Cali. . . and the least amount of money too.)

Leaving Lisbon had been one of the hardest things that he had ever done. But he had needed to get away and evaluate his feelings for her. And now, he knew that leaving her was a mistake. He needed her. . . she was like a second skin. She had become a part of his daily routine. And life without her – as cliché as it sounded – was like life without oxygen.

He wished that he could just be like everybody else. . . without questioning himself, or being a coward about things. People _did_ lose people. It was a fact of life. But said people were able to move on and love again.

Jane held his left hand up and studied the faint glint of gold in the lamp light. He was done mourning. He pulled his wedding ring off. He was done walking away from Lisbon. He placed his ring on the nightstand, and turned out the light. He needed to get some sleep. . . because he was going home. Three weeks away from her was three weeks too many. And it was a long road back to Sacramento.

.

**Part III. By Candlelight**

_Oh and I have flown a thousand miles to empty rooms and crowded aisles_

_And we went from Cathedral bells to show-and-tell, and wish you wells_

_And I, I still look at you and I am blinded_

_I am blinded. . . _

Because there is a light from a higher window

_Shining down on us tonight_

_And the music floats on the breeze from an easier time_

_And all of our cards are on the table_

_Tell me what you want to do_

_Just don't tell me that it's too late _

_Don't tell me that it's too late now_

_Just don't tell me that it's too late for me to love you_

_Higher Window__

He watched her from across the restaurant, her face bathed in candlelight (it made her so much more appealing to him). He missed her so much. . . but now that she was right in front of him again, he couldn't go to her. It was the coward in him taking over again.

He had never been like this before. Not with her.

"Sir? Are you ready to order?" His waiter asked, breaking into his thoughts.

"Hmm?" Jane replied. "Oh, yes. . . I'm ready. I'll have a glass of white wine, please. And do you see that woman over there?"

"You mean Walter Mashburn's _date_, sir?"

"Yes," Jane answered reluctantly.

"Yes sir, I see her. . ."

"Would you please tell her to come over here?" Jane asked.

"Of course. . ." the young man answered, looking hesitant to do so. He jotted down Jane's drink order, and then scuttled over to Lisbon's table.

Jane watched the waiter point him out, he watched Lisbon's face as it was taken over with surprise. He watched her lay her napkin on the table, make her excuses to Mashburn, and then make her way over to him.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, her voice unoccupied of the bitterness and malice that he was sure she harbored towards him. All he could hear was an aching hurt because he had broken his promise to her.

"I couldn't stay away," Jane answered.

"You left me," Lisbon whispered.

"Leaving was a mistake," Jane replied. "It made me miss you more than I ever thought I could. . . or would."

"You promised me that you would never leave."

"Lisbon, you don't understand why I left—"

"Why? Why did you leave?" Lisbon asked. Her question was asked a little more loudly than Jane would have preferred. It drew the attention of the diners, everybody – Mashburn included – seemed to lean over to see how the scene would play out.

Jane shook his head. "Because Lisbon, what I was starting to feel for you was bigger than anything I had ever felt before. And it scared me. . . it's been years since I felt anything so strong for _anybody_."

Lisbon looked at him, she couldn't believe that Jane was actually there, standing in front of her with _his_ heart in _his_ hands. Ready to become something completely different. . . the one to her number two. The other half to her whole.

"The choice is your's," Jane said quietly. "Just don't tell me that it's too late to love you. . . _please_ Lisbon."

"I should tell you that it's too late. . . that you missed your chance."

Jane fought back disappointment. "Oh. . ."

"But I can't. . . I just can't let you go again."

"You can't?" Jane asked looking at her like he couldn't quite believe her.

"Yes. . . I mean, no." She smiled at him. "I love you Jane."

"I love you too," Jane whispered.

"What? What was that?" Lisbon asked loudly. "I don't think our audience could hear you. I know that _I _couldn't!"

Jane looked up and smiled at her. "I LOVE YOU!" He shouted. "There, are you happy?"

"Yes," Lisbon replied with a smile that lit up her whole entire world.

"Lisbon—" Jane stood up. "If this were a movie, this is the part where you would run and jump in my arms. . . and then we'd kiss."

She didn't run to him or jump in his arms. She took tentative steps towards him. When she reached him, she touched his hair gently, and then she ran her fingers down his face. The whole restaurant grew silent as they waited to see what would happen next. . . it was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop.

She looked at him uncertainly, and then pulled him by the jacket towards her lips. The kiss was achingly beautiful. . . it was unlike anything that she had ever experienced before.

All around them, the restaurant broke out into applause. Walter Mashburn got up, paid the check, and left quietly.

When the kiss ended, Lisbon pulled away and smoothed out the front of his jacket. "Don't ever leave me again."

"Never," Jane promised, meaning every word this time. "Never, _ever_, _ever_."

Lisbon closed her eyes and rested her forehead against his, their noses barely touching. Jane's arms encircled her waist, and he held onto her tightly as candles flickered around them. A sign that it wasn't really too late for them. . . and that they had all the time in the world to love each other.

**_The End_**

**Author's Note:**

**I feel this whole entire story was **_**SO **_**weak. But I hope you enjoyed it anyways. It's another one of those stories that I REALLY felt all the way from the roots of my hair to my Cajun Shrimp colored toenails. **

**I don't know if this story is worthy of a Jello Forever forum challenge prize, but it most certainly was rewarding to write. **

**Thanks to everybody who read and reviewed this story. Like always, it was REALLY appreciated. **

**Love,**

**Holly_ February 15, 2011**

**A/N 2:**

**I'd like to dedicate this chapter to LizfromItaly in honor of her birthday. Many happy returns on your special day. I hope it is as fantastic as you are. **

**Love,**

**Holly_ February 22, 2011**


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